out and about

So recently, I realized my years of attraction to women was real. Even though I had been married for almost a quarter of a century,to a man. Really it was about me simply being gay.
I have spent many years, taking care of my soon to be ex-husband, my son, my family, but I was ignoring myself how lonely I felt. How for quite a few years, I had become roommates, with my soon to be ex. Roommates that cared about the outcome of each other. We went to counseling, then to a lovely mediator, so we could do this divorce fairly, it wasn't about screwing each other over, we've been friends forever.
It was about us turning out good, and happy, and moving on with our life. I do entertain family fantasies, of the future where we attend the holidays at my son's place, well someday when he has one, it will be comfortable and relaxed, as it is now, and he'll be proud of us, not dreading us or planning how he needs to do two Christmases because his parents are yelling twits, and can't be in the same room together.
So with that said, I moved out, found a place to lease, it's perfect for one person, and has recently become perfect for two, now that my girlfriend, has moved in.
Okay so now you are saying, "hey hold up,you just figured this out and now you are u hauling it, you're such a lesbian," i know such a cliche, but I'm very okay with that.
Last summer, when all this exploded in my brain, and I realized, I needed to act on these feelings, instead of repressing them some more, like I had been doing for years. It was a scary step, as I was deciding things for myself, it was also this huge relief, as I wasn't repressing or deferring, I was trying to be present in my own life, as opposed to how I used to operate on the "someday i will" theory of living.
So now it's 5 months later, and I am good, proud, and living, I'm paying my bills, I'm still figuring out the daily routine of my life but that's neither scary, it is sometimes challenging, but mostly it's just unknown, and open. I miss my son daily,but he's an adult, and lives close, and we text, talk and see each other weekly,I'm still figuring out how to evolve as a parent, when I'm not daily present.
I miss the cats, and our goofy dog, no pets on the lease, but they live 4 miles down the road, and that isn't that far away.The dog sees it as a way to get more dog biscuits, when I visit.
I watched my soon to be ex husband, and my son celebrate the holidays,in their house where I used to live, and it is clean, maintained, and was decorated, as we usually did for the holidays, which was a happy relief.
I also had a great holiday, shared it with my girlfriend, as she became part of my family and it's celebration, though our Christmas tree dropped needles like a monsoon pine needle flood, it was a grand tree.
So all in all, day by day, this is good, and I look toward moving forward,on this "being true to myself" adventure.

more marks

I finished my experiment in the abstract, and I really like it. As geeky as this sounds this print dictated to me, what direction to go. I know this sounds like i can claim, "I'm not responsible", when someone criticizes the print, but I won't go in that direction. I'll tell them how it felt a little dangerous, out of my comfort zone it wasn't planned. And it makes me hungry to do more. Okay, that's all for now. Printmaking geek ,signing off.

first marks

It's been awhile, it's not like I meant to forget you, but my need to gaze at my navel...
had dissipated some.So I stopped writing, about myself,but maybe I'll look at my printmaking.


This is a block, like some I develop,it is a go between block.
The other print I am doing, is having drying problems. So until it dries, no 4th color for it, coincidentally it's working title is "four"
So this block I am planning very little, but trying to coax a feeling out of the viewer.It makes me feel something too, interested in it's outcome.It feels like a journey, or a path I'm taking.

I am also using Charbonnel's Aqua wash oil based inks. To quote Rachel Zoe, "they are to die for". They cleans up in minutes, a spray of soapy water, and wipe it up. It doesn't get much easier than that.They are also densely pigmented, a little goes a long way.And that is a win win in my book.

grace in small things ::19/365

1.A dear friend that lets you lay your head in her lap and cry, while rubbing your back.

2.An i Pod filled with loud music,to drown out unnecessary mind noise, so I can focus.

3.Rolling a brayer slowly across a rich silky ink slab, of black.

4.The ability that strong round of sun salutation can have on a questioning mind.

5.The purring company of one small cat.

the snowshoe diaries:continue

So another day of snowshoeing ends, and this is what I discovered. It is easier to sweat like a beast during the winter, no one looks worried at you,and also because the dog doesn't care.She understands the panting, she thinks I'm cooling myself off.

I've started to use my husband's ski poles, and I'll have to say it's been a nice addition, to what I am doing. They are there when I need to dig in, as I'm climbing up a hill, and are great for an impromptu calf stretch, plus it's another way to get my heart pumping.

I'd like to say , I've moved out of the panting,"oh my gawd, I'm so out of shape" mode but I haven't , though I know it's coming, I'm being impatient. I should probably concentrate more on that's a good thing, that I'm doing right now, instead what will be.

I read this little blurb on snowshoeing from easternslopes.com, it was helpful, and as you look deeper into the blog, there is more on advanced snowshoeing. I wouldn't call what I am doing advanced, but I'm a little more than a beginner.

So if I was to make a snowshoe 101, entry it would mention these things;
1. wear layers, easily opened ones, or ones that breathe,and keep you warm even if they get damp or snow covered.
2.Have a hat with you or earmuffs, a frostbitten ear is never sexy.
3. I would suggest gaiters, to keep the snow off the back of your calves, but since I have well rounded, don't fit into regular gaiters, type of calves, go back to suggestion number 1.
4. Used ski poles, they add another depth to the cardiovascular work out you are getting from snowshoeing, plus they make an impromptu tripod, if you have your camera with you, and you can use them to lean into to stretch after your walk.

oh and the last thing, get up and just do it.

the snowshoe diaries

when you google the term "shoe diaries", you get many different colors,pink,red and black but no snowshoe diaries. I'm not going to change the name of my blog, but for the winter, or at least whiles we have snow, I'm going to go on about snowshoeing, and how it will possibly change me from a flabby,out of shape, forty seven year woman, to a maybe less flabby, but better in shape 47 year old woman.

So let's get this show on the road.

jack's back with the usual suspects.

tasskaff 3| bowlful of berries

breakfast, anyone?

grace in small things ::18/365

1.a perfectly ripe avocado, there's nothing like it, I prefer mine as simple as possible.There's is nothing that can compete with the smokey smoothness.

2.Summer, the warm weather, the blooming flowers, the great produce being grown locally.

3.Visiting my local grower of perennials, these plants are healthy, and grown for the zone we live in, and so inexpensive.

4.Learning from my experience as a gardener so far.My Gardens are pretty well established, I only buy what I can plant that day.

5.Homemade Chicken Parmigiana Sandwiches, real chicken, melted cheese, and tasty sauce, to go with.

bra torture

With the advent of this hot and too humid weather, I've come to a few conclusions about bras and the fabric they are made from.
Bra makers of the world, make a good cotton bra. No, let me restate that make a frickin' great cotton bra, that lifts, supports, and does the things all great bras do.
I know you have all these smoothing, nylonly, spandexy, man made fibers at your fingertips to make a bazillion bras out of. But, it is those fibers, that make me feel like I am wearing a wool bra in the heat of summer. Frankly it's a deal breaker for me.
The other down fall for me, the hot sweaty glowing woman, is the Vice Grip principle, is there a reason my bra won't move on my body, just a little. Instead it sticks to me like an uncomfortable second skin? A second skin that needs to be peeled off.
Underwires, why do they need to end in my armpit, it makes the bra annoying, and uncomfortable, if i bend over, and I have an underwire poking into my armpits, at the same time,that can be a Deal breaker too. I understand it from a support point of view, but as an actually working theory, when I wear the bra, it's a "good bra" , "bad bra" scenario. It's a good bra that it supports the girls, it's a bad, very bad bra that it tries to poke a hole in my armpit.
Now what do I love about a cotton bra,they are comfortable even when you are sweating like a beast. It moves a little, so it supports, but doesn't attempt to squeeze the last breath out of me. And it washes easily, with my other cotton items, instead of having to be hand washed. When do you suppose I have time for that? Like never.
Now know that any other time of the year, when it's cooler, and not humid, I love those other bras, just as much as my cotton bras. Which interstingly enough,I can wear in hot or cooler, even cold weather.
And this is my last request, could you make your cotton bras in other colors besides, beige and white? I'd appreciate some color,please.
Thanks, and have a nice day.

meatless mondays

I was reading Organic Gardening this month, and it mentioned Meatless Mondays , as I read the paragraph, I realized what a good doable idea this is. Why, meatless you ask? Well, this could be a reason or two.
On Mondays it's just the two of us eating , and we are happy to have an omelet and toast, sometimes I add veg, or herbs to mine, and we have sausages.
It's mostly a meatless meal, except well for the sausages. But they make Veggie sausages, so that could make this very do-able. When I mentioned it to my husband, he rolled his eyes at me, and was like "no".At first I was going to become this Meatless Mondays cheerleader, and tell him how it's not only good for you, it's good for the environment, and well I know that reaction too, when I mention the word environment.So I took pause, and I let it go. I realized if I want to do this, I should, and there is room in the kitchen ,for the both of us.

grace in small things ::17/365

I have been negligent with my grace in small things. Today I hope to get back to this on at more regular basis.

1.Home grown red raspberries.There is nothing like fresh picked berries, to pop in your mouth and sprinkle over cereal, or add to yogurt.

2.Hummingbirds,I think they may be more nosy that chipmunks. I love to hear the buzz of their wings , than look up to find one stopped in midair looking at me, looking at him.

3.Sunshine, it's amazing how many plants seem to grow overnight,when they get some sunlight. My smallish sunflowers, have gotten taller, and bigger!

4. Enjoying the anticipation, of my upcoming camping trip, I can't wait, I love looking forward to it.

5.Pulling together, some things to read, on said camping trip, it's a bit like finding presents, but not opening yet.

unconditional

camper capers

This is my small success story with stop motion movies.In iMovie, there is a default Ken Burns effect that makes anything stop motion look whack-a-doo, or it makes it look like I was drunk when I took it. I finally figured out how to stop the dreaded effect.

We are going camping this weekend, and we set the camper up before, so we can pack it, and make sure no mice have decided to inhabit it over the winter, make smelly messy nests. One year we opened the camper to this nest made out of a roll of paper towels, that we had left in the camper, in a word, it was GROSS!!

grace in small things::16/365

1.Farmer's markets. I really love the community feel, and all the great things to buy.

2. Local strawberries are the best, their juicy sweetness, their brilliant red juice that stains everything.

3.Local made ice cream, this same family is at two of the farmer's markets I frequent, the ice cream is fresh, made from ingredients you can pronounce,and it's delicious.

4.Local baked bread, there is a local bakery that sells loaves of wonderful bread.

5.A husband that cooks, and washes the windows, and curtains. I am always grateful for that.

grace in small things::15/365

1.the small swarm, of possible honeybees, in my potting shed.that had no interest me, as they were busy doing something, it was fascinating, and a little scary, in an exciting fun kind of way.

2.My newly planted asparagus bed. small tender spears, poking up through the soil.every row I planted, I have success.This will be a spectacular bed when mature.

3.My new raised bed, that is all rich soil, and no weeds!

4.The crispy sweetness of Ines Rosales, tortas de aciete. thin golden brown layers,covered in sugar, each bite filled with a sugary crunch and tender anise seeds.

5.the return of the barn toad. Every year we have a toad that hangs around the barn, and my flower gardens.I am glad they provide the perfect homebase for my toady friend.

grace in small things::14/365

1. Jack-in-the-pulpit, rich green, and purple,punctuating the woods.

2.the scent of etching inks, carded onto warmed copper.

3.A steady palm wipe, that adds another layer, to the print I am making.

4.Seedless red grapes that burst upon toothsome bite into sweet, tart and juicy.

5.Fresh Spearmint tea, and sharing it with my studio-mates.

grace in small things::13/365

1.Working beside my husband and my son, filling the raised bed, that was built for me, for Mother's Day.

2.Planting the Asparagus crowns, I bought this morning, marveling on how this bunch of roots , are going to be future dinners for me and my family.

3.Using compost I made myself, to put in said Asparagus bed, to feed and nourish, those growing spears.

4.Thankful for a sunny and breezy day, to plant, there were no bugs!

5.Thankful that I can prepare an asparagus bed.I can still turn sod, pick rocks and weeds,and plant 3 rows of asparagus.

grace in small things::12/365

1. Asparagus-cooked simply, and eaten with your fingers.

2. Rain storms in the spring, with quiet flashes of lightening.

3. Finding a fool proof method, to make chicken cutlets, that is quick,and delicious.

4. Listening to a Barred owl, calling out into the night.

5.Loving that my son drives us to the movies, and knows a quicker way to get there.

grace in small things::11/365

1. My sister's cat Megs, who came to live with us many years ago. She's a sweet purring poof of soft fur, who outsizes the younger cat, but who is timid and shy, and purrs as loud as an outboard motor.

2.the View from my upstairs window,on all sides there are something to see, and sigh and feel grateful for and enjoy.

3.My first prints, which are rudimentary at best , but so vital, in teaching myself about being an artist.

4. Walking barefoot, on the fuzzy bathroom rugs, thick in pile, and deep blue in color, and so soft on my feet.

5.Clouds, I love them.