Thursday, October 11, 2012
I came out in 2011, had I known there was a National Coming Out Day, I would have waited. No, not really. When I discovered there was a national coming out day I felt a little like I was missing out on something, by coming out earlier in June of that year. Like maybe that's why I didn't get the toaster oven, from Ellen, or my "Welcome, you're a Lesbian now!" card.
But when I did tell family and friends, I received varied comments, "Oh yeah, I always thought so", or "I'm not surprised", or "oh, that explains, why you are getting a divorce." or my favorite, "it doesn't matter, we(or I) still love you."
So all and all the reactions were positive, if it wasn't, those people kept it to themselves, and with me being 48 years old, and coming out, I honestly didn't care what people, not related, or not loved by me, felt.
Now it's more than a year later, and I look at things differently, I feel out. I also recognize how some movies, that exist about Lesbians, are sad, humorless. The main stream believe us to be psychotic, and rarely well adjusted. That our lives will only end up sad, and in more torment. I think that's bullshit, really people we are fabulous! We like funny movies, dare I say romantic comedies, and if there is sci-fi attached to that happy story line, and lesbians, oh my god it's a win-win.
So here is a brief list of funny movies, that Lesbians, might like and have already seen, but here they are anyways.
"Chutney Popcorn" this movie, was made in 1999. It is delightful, funny and worth a dvd rental. This movie explores the conflict, that main character feels, between her sexual orientation, and her national identity, she is Indian American, and it deals with family acceptance.
"Better than chocolate" also came out in 1999, from our open minded neighbors in canada, also funny, well adjusted Lesbians, ending up loved and supported by their families, friends, etc.
"Go Fish" another 1990's movie, which is funny, and real how it presents lesbians, and how we are, in our own gender roles, such as butch, or femme. It's worth a watch.
"The Ten Rules: a Lesbian survival Guide" this is a short film, hilarious nonetheless, find it watch it, and nod knowingly, because you either have or are living one of those ten rules now, in your life.
Like I said the list is brief, there are many more movies out there, but mine is a tiny list of movies I think fall into that comedic, but based in reality type of film, that show Lesbians do have a sense of humor, or actually are well adjusted.
There are also many series out there,"Exes and Ohs, "Lip Service",
"the L word" google the hell out of these titles, and rent, or buy, or download them on iTunes. There is also a hilarious podcast on iTunes called Girls on Girls, it's done by two Lesbian, comedians, Anne Neczypor, and Jackie Monahan,it came out in 2008, download it and fill your iPod with it, and get used to those curious looks, you get from other people, as you laugh out loud.
If you have more interest in many more movies, that present Lesbians, you might want to check this link out on Wikipedia for Lesbian Related films.
Some other resources, that I read in the Blogosphere, that resonate with me, that you might want to check out if your newly out, or have been out forever and search for something that relates to you, are "Everyone is gay" their webcasts, are wonderful, and thought provoking.
I also enjoy "Butch Wonders" she is thoughtful, intelligent, and though I don't identify as Butch,I'm not Femme either, but as a Lesbian, I can still relate, and have gotten a lot from her blog.
And if you aren't reading Autostraddle, you should be, it's a thought provoking, often hilarious website. Also don't miss any of the links in the sidebar, they are equally wonderful. One I recommend highly is "In your box office, with Julie Goldman, and Brandy Howard, so funny, it'll make you wish they did movie reviews, every week.
So I'll leave you with this, it's National Coming Out Day, so come out, there are a lot of resources out there for you to get validation, and support. Also if you are feeling a little less than brave and are scared, nervous about coming out, this brief list of things, I hope will help.
Remember, you are gay, and fabulous and Welcome!
Monday, February 27, 2012
So recently, I realized my years of attraction to women was real. Even though I had been married for almost a quarter of a century,to a man. Really it was about me simply being gay.
I have spent many years, taking care of my soon to be ex-husband, my son, my family, but I was ignoring myself how lonely I felt. How for quite a few years, I had become roommates, with my soon to be ex. Roommates that cared about the outcome of each other. We went to counseling, then to a lovely mediator, so we could do this divorce fairly, it wasn't about screwing each other over, we've been friends forever.
It was about us turning out good, and happy, and moving on with our life. I do entertain family fantasies, of the future where we attend the holidays at my son's place, well someday when he has one, it will be comfortable and relaxed, as it is now, and he'll be proud of us, not dreading us or planning how he needs to do two Christmases because his parents are yelling twits, and can't be in the same room together.
So with that said, I moved out, found a place to lease, it's perfect for one person, and has recently become perfect for two, now that my girlfriend, has moved in.
Okay so now you are saying, "hey hold up,you just figured this out and now you are u hauling it, you're such a lesbian," i know such a cliche, but I'm very okay with that.
Last summer, when all this exploded in my brain, and I realized, I needed to act on these feelings, instead of repressing them some more, like I had been doing for years. It was a scary step, as I was deciding things for myself, it was also this huge relief, as I wasn't repressing or deferring, I was trying to be present in my own life, as opposed to how I used to operate on the "someday i will" theory of living.
So now it's 5 months later, and I am good, proud, and living, I'm paying my bills, I'm still figuring out the daily routine of my life but that's neither scary, it is sometimes challenging, but mostly it's just unknown, and open. I miss my son daily,but he's an adult, and lives close, and we text, talk and see each other weekly,I'm still figuring out how to evolve as a parent, when I'm not daily present.
I miss the cats, and our goofy dog, no pets on the lease, but they live 4 miles down the road, and that isn't that far away.The dog sees it as a way to get more dog biscuits, when I visit.
I watched my soon to be ex husband, and my son celebrate the holidays,in their house where I used to live, and it is clean, maintained, and was decorated, as we usually did for the holidays, which was a happy relief.
I also had a great holiday, shared it with my girlfriend, as she became part of my family and it's celebration, though our Christmas tree dropped needles like a monsoon pine needle flood, it was a grand tree.
So all in all, day by day, this is good, and I look toward moving forward,on this "being true to myself" adventure.